Judging God

Every person in the world has to deal with the question “Where was God when that happened?” Life-changing events cause us to question Him; and once you do, whilst an answer for your question tarries, one can become offended whereby doubt and unbelief can take root. Offended hearts are the breeding ground to atheism as a result of judging God to be unjust. By the same reasoning, it would also be true that by resolving the question of God’s faithfulness, it could result in healing both emotionally and physically.

The biggest stumbling block to healing, I believe, is not knowing what’s in your own heart. I’ve been trying to discover anything that would block my ability to receive healing for a very long time. I have faith, to be sure; seeing results and miracles for many things in my body and in the other people for whom I’ve prayed. And from the beginning of my injury I’ve been asked if I am angry with God by therapists and intercessors alike. I’ve said “not that I’m aware of” more times than I can count. I’ve been searching my heart for unforgiveness, unbelief, hidden anger or wrong motives for years. I’ve been told to be honest with God so that I can uncover the area that  may be holding up the flow of faith. When in reality I believe it is more likely to be ourselves that we can’t be honest with. Unless somebody asks the right questions, I cannot find out what is in my own heart. Whenever asked the question about being angry with God, emotions would rise up that I would interpret as frustration more than anger. I think the struggle to know why it’s hard to hear God sometimes is difficult for everyone to understand and our reflexive response is to put the blame on Him for not communicating clearly because we feel helpless to hear Him. “Speak louder!” you want to say. And yelling at God doesn’t seem productive when you’re trying to ask for help. However, when you  finally deal with the voice that’s accusing God in your ear, for which you have no answer in your heart, you simply ask God to defend Himself regardless of the fact that he does not have to. When the voice of the accuser gets louder than the voice of God in your heart, you must ask God to take the stand in the courtroom of your heart. 

The truth that God is faithful trumps the lie that He is not because it’s in God’s word, not because it’s in your heart. So take the truth that’s in God’s word and put it in your heart… “my tongue is the pen of the ready writer.” Write it on the tablet of your heart by speaking it, singing it, shouting it, writing it, until your heart feels the truth of it. Then your eye will be clear, “single,” and faith will flow.

As I pondered the unanswered question floating in the room, I finally asked God to answer the question for me. Often the answer to the question becomes clear by changing the question. The question “why hasn’t God told you how to effectively see results in your healing?” can be changed to “why aren’t  I hearing the answer to my question? ” If I believe God is faithful and he must be answering my question more than I believe that I am faithful, then I can ask the correct question. 

In reading God’s word the old-fashioned way, flipping through pages, I happened upon a verse highlighted to me. Hebrews 11:11 

“Sarah herself also received strength to conceive seed and she bore a child when she was past the age because she judged Him faithful who had promised.”     

Her miracle was able to be performed because she judged God faithful. If we do not judge him as faithful in our hearts, this will stop faith from flowing. If a baby bird does not open its mouth, the mama bird cannot put food in. If the baby bird does not expect the mama bird to give it food, it will not open its mouth. Faith results in action… opening the mouth for food.